Follow this 3-step process when a child confides about abuse:
Follow this 3-step process when a child confides about abuse:
If a child tells you she/he was abused.
Please don’t react with:
– ‘How could you?’
– ‘I should have been more careful’
– ‘Is it true…Can’t be’
– What nonsense!’
– ‘I told you not to…’
– ‘Don’t make up stories.’
– ‘What? I don’t understand…’
Most of the time it is out of fear and confusion that children don’t report the abuse. Few typical reasons are shared below:
Indirect hints. When a child says ‘I don’t want to go to uncle’s house anymore’ or ‘please don’t leave me alone with her’. They are likely to give a little information at a time, maybe over several hours, weeks, months, or even years as the children test reactions to their words. They seem hesitant, confused, or uncertain while disclosing and later, may even deny the abuse ever happened. This does not mean that the abuse did not occur.
Learning problems, absences from school, inexplicable fall in academic grades, poor memory and lack of concentration.
♦
Regression to younger behaviors, such as thumb sucking, acting like a baby, bedwetting or speech difficulties.
◊
Change in eating habits: Child starts losing weight or may eat excessively, thus putting on weight.
♦
Developing fears, phobias and anxieties in relation to a specific place or adult related to abuse.
Replaying the abuse with another child, generally younger or same age as them. This is known as sexualized behavior.
◊
Sexually abusive behavior towards other children particularly younger or more vulnerable than themselves.
♦
Wearing provocative clothing, or layers of clothes to hide injuries and/or to appear unattractive.
◊
Sexual inference in children’s recreational activities such as drawing, playing, singing, etc.
A change in the social behavior of the child – a happy child becomes dull or silent.
◊
Complaining of headaches, stomach pains or nausea without a physiological basis.
♦
Reluctance to participate in a group physical or recreational activity.
◊
The child may become insecure and cling to a safe adult.
Social withdrawal (such as poor or deteriorating relationships with adults and peers)
♦
Self-injurious behavior, body-mutilation, getting into trouble with law, suicide attempts.
◊
Sexual knowledge, behavior, or use of language not age appropriate.
♦
Tendency to cling or need for constant reassurance.
Poor self-care/personal hygiene/excessive bathing.
◊
Drug and alcohol use, abuse and addiction.
♦
Sudden accumulation of money or gifts.
◊
Fatigue and sleeping difficulties.
Obsession with sex or complete aversion to it.
♦
Child running away from home/school.
◊
Questioning their sexuality and gender.
♦
Perfectionism and workaholism.
Sleeping & Eating disorders.
◊
Sexual offending.
♦
Mental illness.
◊
Depression.
Multiple forms of maltreatment or neglect may accompany child sexual abuse.
Distrust of others and themselves
Terror and anxiety
Phobias
Shame, guilt and self – hatred
Alienation from their bodies
Powerlessness, Depression, Extreme Passivity
Anger
Relationship problems / Marital Problems